Let’s talk about the real actions and practice you do to promote a positive care of yourself.
One question I am asked daily is: Tell me about your concrete self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love practices.
This question is really important for me, as I feel that practical, effective actions are absolutely needed when it comes to feeling better with yourself. Some people talk about self-confidence just if it were all about reading self-help books, watching webinars, or thinking differently.
Well, simply wishing to feel better will not work, unfortunately.
Self-confidence and self-esteem require concrete actions, real practices to be incorporated in your daily life, something that works on your body, mind, and soul. There are no shortcuts.
What I do to foster self-esteem and self-confidence is growing every day a deeper awareness of my who, what, and why.
Who am I, really? What do I really want? Why is that? Why do I do things?
These are the questions I ask myself, and the answers I give dictate the actions I follow. To grow self-esteem and self-confidence, I work on my awareness, on my compassion, on my commitment.
Awareness is the key to improve how you feel about yourself, how you deal with everything that happens, how you grow resilience, acceptance, and intuition.
Compassion is needed to create a positive relationship with other people. You need it because compassion lets you understand that even if we are all different, we are also all equal, we are sharing the same Universal energy, we are part of a larger Oneness.
Commitment is what you practically do in your life to grow, improve, heal. Commitment is based on concrete actions, not on wishes. It represents the way you walk in your life-long journey into self-awakening.
About self-love, I practice MMQG Kizendo daily, so I use a holistic series of practice to help and heal my body, mind, and soul with meditation, mindfulness, and Qi Gong.
There also other practices I commonly use and teach, from White Tantra to Energy Healing, from Shadow Work to Yoga and Tai Chi.
I also read, study, learn new things daily so that I can be ready to teach, help, and heal others.
A question that I am continuously asked is: “How to meditate?“
Meditation is an essential, amazing tool to promote deep-reaching, long-lasting positive changes and benefits into your life: its practice
lowers stress levels,
helps managing anxiety and fears,
reduces pain and discomfort,
improves commitment, compassion, awareness,
increases our focus and concentration skills,
grows our ability to connect and feel oneness
stops self-limiting behaviors
just to name some of the gifts we can expect.
How do you learn to meditate? It all starts with controlling your breath and developing self-awareness through mindful practice.
Meditation is great at creating space in your life. Mental and spiritual space, where you can have time to make better choices for yourselves, your family, your job or business, your local and broader community.
In this short primer, I will explore some of the practices you can start practicing with. Each of these practices is an integral part of the MMQG Syllabus.
The first exercise to try is as simple as focusing on your breath. Nothing more, nothing less. Let’s see the details:
Dedicate 5 to 10 minutes to meditation. Dedicate some minutes exclusively for you and this exercise. Turn off notifications, get in airplane mode, and find a calm, quiet spot where you can be alone and undisturbed for 5 to 10 minutes.
Practice deep, abdominal (belly) breathing. In this exercise you will inhale from your nose and exhale from your mouth. Start by a full exhale with the mouth, emptying completely your lungs, then take a deep inhale, expanding your belly, and then exhale slowly, contracting your belly. Exhale should last twice the inhale.
Focus on your breath. Concentrate on the physical sensations you get from breathing. Where do you feel your breath? Do you feel your belly moving? Are you able to notice the air passing through your nostrils? Remain focused on breathing and start counting. Every time you exhale, add one to the count. If you lose the count, start again from one. Try to get to 10.
So, what happened? Did your mind wander away while you were counting your breath? Was your mind busy, full of thoughts? Did you struggle in keeping your focus? Were you thinking about other things like job, family, worries?
We learn to control our breath to begin practicing meditation so we can become aware of how often our mind goes through “free” thoughts. By focusing and controlling our breath, we can detach from our thoughts, noticing them without remaining attached to them. In this way, we can choose what we’d like to focus on.
I am sure that you experienced these distractions (and that’s perfectly normal, at the beginning of your journey into meditation). Now you have learned that your mind is not living here and now, so it’s not practicing mindfulness. Very often you are living in our heads, into your thoughts and worries, on automatic pilot. In this kind of situation, your thoughts are like untamed monkeys screaming and jumping everywhere. You are also bringing with you the weight of the past and the worries about the future, so, to make it short you are not being present in the moment.
You are literally losing every moment of your life.
Why should I practice meditation?
Meditation is an extremely powerful practice that will help your life in many aspects. It’s worth all the effort you may make in learning and establishing a routine or habit.
Here are 20 awesome, science-backed benefits of meditation!
Fight depression, low self-esteem
reduces stress and anxiety
Relieve headaches and lowers blood pressure
Gives you a better mood
Boost memory and your ability to focus
Improves your workout
Increases your study and learning skills
Improves sleep and recovery
Helps your intimate, personal, and professional relationships
Foster your wellness and digestion
Lets you work better
Lets you reduce medicines
Increases your resilience and grit
Relaxes you and helps in improving your perceived health status
Fights negative mindsets
Makes you more compassionate
Improves your sex life
Lets you develop your commitment in any activity
How to Meditate
Meditation is actually quite a simple process, but it is for some people what makes it so (apparently) hard to practice. Following the next steps you will be able to start your meditation journey with no effort:
Find a place to sit where you can be comfortable, undisturbed, and calm. You can choose a chair, or sitting in the lotus (or half lotus) position. I suggest you sit and not to lie down as you get sleepy otherwise. Try to find a warm, quiet place to start.
2) Set an alarm
As you are just starting, set up an alarm at 5 or 10 minutes. This will help you build the habit without the worry of taking too much time from your daily schedule, at the beginning. You will be able to add minutes as you want!
3) Be aware of your bodily sensations
As you will need to keep the same position for some time, just make sure that you are stable, comfortable, with no tension in any part of your body. Be aware of how your body feels as you want to avoid becoming stiff or feeling aches during your practice.
4) Concentrate on your breath
As I told before, inhale from your nose and exhale from your mouth. Start by a full exhale with the mouth, emptying completely your lungs, then take a deep inhale, expanding your belly, and then exhale slowly, contracting your belly. Exhale should last twice the inhale. Follow all the physical sensations you feel while breathing in and out.
5) Leave your thoughts to pass as clouds
Something that you cannot avoid is that your mind creates thoughts while you are meditating. What you have to do is simply noticing your thoughts without getting attached to them, as if they were clouds brought away by the wind. When you notice that your mind is wandering, simply focus again on your breath.
6) Awake slowly
At the end of the practice, slowly lift your gaze or open your eyes. Notice the sensations you get from your body and from the environment, taking a mental snapshot of how you feel in that precise moment. Notice your body, mind, and soul.
Congrats, you did it! That was your first meditation practice. Welcome to the community of meditators.
Meditation Tips and Techniques:
Now that you have seen the easiest way to meditate, let’s see together how you can build up on that.
The goal is to let you incorporate meditation into your life as a loyal and helpful companion, that will donate you more than you give to it.
How to Make Mindfulness a Habit
Scientific studies tell us that most of the time (up to 95%) our behavior runs on autopilot. Of course, from an evolutionary point of view, that’s an extremely effective thing as we are able to manage the huge amount of data we get from our senses remaining able to select the most important events or signals to live (and survive). Alas, these shortcuts are also what makes us rely on automated reactions and behaviors that limit our creativity in finding more efficient or better ways to deal with a specific situation.
Practicing mindfulness means opposing these default processes. It means getting full, conscious control of our actions, getting rid of automated reactions. The point is that to become proficient at selecting and choosing every time the best option instead of the standard one requires focus and practice. The good news is that it’s a skill that we can improve, by practice, stimulating our brain’s neuroplasticity, activating new neural connections that don’t rely on the old ones, dedicated to the “autopilot” reaction.
To gain more control on yourself, and to create a meditation habit, here is what I can suggest:
Find your why. To create a new habit you need to define and understand why you are doing it. Is that a personal need? A professional one? Something you feel you are missing? A curiosity? Once you are able to give a clear answer to that first question, you are on the right path!
Define your how. Say you decide to use sticky notes to remind yourself of a new intention. That might work for about a week, but then your autopilot brain and old habits take over again. Try writing new notes to yourself; add variety or make them funny. That way they’ll stick with you longer.
Build up motivation and commitment. Motivation and commitment are both essential in building a habit. Motivation relies on our feelings and feelings change, so it’s not enough to build a reliable habit. Commitment implies following a plan and going on even when it gets difficult and you don’t feel like doing something. Motivation is helpful as can drive us with the reward mechanism of our brain and commitment is essential as it is what will keep us going on, with grit and resilience.
Create new patterns. Intentionally create space for the new habit into your schedule, dedicate time, space, attention to it. Each intentional action to create a meditative practice will strengthen the part if your brain that creates habits.
Some Specific Types Of Meditation
Once you have explored a basic seated meditation practice, you might want to consider other forms of meditation including walking and lying down. Whereas the previous meditations used the breath as a focal point for practice, these meditations below focus on different parts of the body.
Introduction to the MMQG Meditation
MMQG is a holistic, modern approach to Meditation, Mindfulness, and Qi Gong.
The way you practice Meditation in MMQG is peculiar in the sense that it encompasses your mind, body, and soul so to help and heal you in an easy to practice, yet extremely effective way.
Dedicate a specific time of your day to this practice. You just need 10 to 15 minutes a day, possibly at the same time of the day. I usually practice as soon as I wake up in the morning, at 4:30 AM.
Stand, keeping your feet parallel, at shoulders’ wide. Start with belly breathing, inhaling from the nose and exhaling from your mouth. When inhaling, push your belly out, and when exhaling contract it.
Focus on your breathing and on the feelings coming from your body. Feel the ground under your feet, feel your body aligning, feel your belly moving in and out, feel the air entering from your nose and coming out from your mouth. Do 5 deep breaths and completely relax your body.
Inhaling, raise your hands with the palms facing up, like if you were keeping something on them and imagine bringing positive energy and thoughts with fresh air. Hold your breath for a while, relaxing your body and freeing your mind from any thought. Exhale slowly while turning your palms outwards, and opening your arms, like if you were opening a curtain in front of you. Imagine being exhaling all negative thoughts, mindsets, worries. Repeat 5 times and completely calm your mind.
Now that your body and mind are calm and relaxed, let the feelings you receive from them disappear so that you begin feeling one with universal consciousness.
You no longer need perceptions in this third phase as there is only warmth (more than just physical), peace and feeling of love and oneness. There are no words to accurately describe this profound spiritual experience!
You are raising your spiritual awareness by raising your vibrations, transcending habitual negative and repetitive thought and behavioral patterns. Now you grow your awareness of oneness with all creation. You could start being aware of the movement of energy in your body and beyond your body.
You start becoming aware that everything around you, and even you, are just energy, at its core. You will start losing the sense of “self” and feel compassion, commitment, and love for your fellow humans and other life on this planet.
You lose the distinction and the labelling of your rational brain. There is no longer “me” and “you”.
Remain in this awakening spiritual state for a while, until your awareness delves deeply within yourself and then it expands to encompass everything. You are different, being equal. Completely nurture your spirit and come out of this meditation.
Now you will feel energized, holistically healed, and cleansed.
You are now full of love, joy, peace, gratitude, energy!
Introduction to the Body Scan Meditation
With this technique, you will focus on various parts of your body. Like as in the progressive muscle relaxation, you will start with your feet and then come up. With the body scan meditation you will focus on the way each part of your body feels in an objective way, so not labeling a sensation as positive or negative.
To apply this technique, lie on your back, keep your legs uncrossed, your arms relaxed at your sides, your eyes open but relaxed. Use the deep breathing technique for about two minutes until you start to feel relaxed.
Turn your focus to the toes of your right foot. Take a mental note of any sensations you feel while continuing to keep your breathing deep and relaxed. Imagine that each deep breath brings and takes warm energy to and from your toes. Remain focused on your toes for one to two minutes.
Then, move your attention to the sole of your right foot. Check and pay attention to any sensation you feel and imagine each breath bringing warm energy to and from the sole of your foot. After one or two minutes, move your focus to your right ankle and repeat the sequence.
Come up on your right leg, moving to your calf, knee, thigh, hip; then, repeat the full sequence on your left leg.
From there, move up along the torso, focusing on the lower back and the abdomen, the upper back and the chest, and finally the shoulders, the neck and the head.
Pay attention to any area of the body that causes you pain or discomfort, and concentrate on deeply breathing until that sensations changes. On completion, relax for a while, then slowly sit up and stretch.
The moment you notice that your mind has wandered, return your attention to the part of the body you last remember.
Introduction to the Walking Meditation
Meditation is not just practiced sitting. You can practice it while moving, and one of the most easy way to do it is walking.
What you need to do is simply to become aware to what you feel with each step, mentally and physically.
Find a place where you feel relaxed and safe. Walk at a natural pace. Keep your hands where you are comfortable: in your pockets, on your belly or your back, or even loose at your sides.
You can start by keeping a belly, deep, and relaxed breath, and walking while counting your steps.
With each step, pay attention to the physical sensations coming from the sole of your foot. Notice the movement in all your body. Notice how the weight shifts from side to side.
As in sitting meditation, don’t follow your thoughts, but observe them going away without attachment.
If you are outdoors, remain aware of the environment around you, staying safe.
How Much Can I Meditate?
Meditation is a wonderful practice and there are no limits on how much you can practice. It is a simple, yet challenging tool that will improve your life, from many different angles. The key to an ideal practice is to find what best suits you and your life-style and specific needs, but try to commit to meditating every day, possibly at the same time of the day, even if it’s just for ten minutes.
The most important thing in meditation is practicing it.
When you practice, you’re telling yourself that you want to change, you want to understand yourself, and you’re taking concrete actions to improve and grow.
Shadow work is a concept introduced by the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst C.G. Jung and it consists in accessing all of your thoughts and feelings so that you begin to become aware of your unconscious self.
In psychology and healing, shadow specifically refers to the those parts within us that we, consciously or unconsciously, try to hide or deny.
This comprises of these aspects of us that we may consider or label as shameful, negative, unacceptable, dark. The range of definitions is as wide as the entire humanity and the origins of these shadows can be often found in childhood.
Even if don’t want to admit it, you, as everyone else, have a dark side. The problems arise when you are not aware of your shadow so that it can limit and sabotage your life. Even worse, if you try to deny, repress, or suppress your dark side, you could end with addictions, low self-esteem, lack of commitment, mental and chronic illness, stress, anxiety, fears, phobias.
To consciously get access to your shadow, you will use some effective practices as writing, journaling, self-awareness, self-compassion, non-judgmental acceptation, meditation, mindfulness just to name some.
Through this way of healing you will start notice patterns in how you react to what happens, and by studying them you also become aware and conscious of them, so making them controllable and manageable. You will begin to decipher those patterns and will start deciding which reactions, mindsets, and behaviors no longer serve you, so that you can move forward with enhanced awareness.
When you can give a name to your inner demons you can tame and control them, so their negative impact on your life will be manageable.
Instead of being slave of your reactions to events that happen in your life all the time, you will play life’s game by deciding to choose and act.
Shadow work is an integral part of what you can find during coaching or healing sessions with Raffaello Palandri.
I was speaking to a coach, some days ago, and she was telling me how much she hated her business in these last months because it wasn’t working, whatever she was trying to do.
She bought a business marketing package (actually, even more than one) of an extremely reputable marketer / coach / guru online ..and she did everything to the letter, up to tiniest details. All the strategies, the suggestions were labeled as “fail-proof”, you simply could not fail if you did all of them. And she did it!
Guess what … the clients just weren’t coming in! She wasn’t making money … she was losing a lot of time and money, to be honest!! She was feeling really mad because she started thinking to be unable to be a coach and a businesswoman. struggling.
After all the gurus, after all the hyper-coaches, she…
Many ask me some details about the benefits coming from practicing Qi Gong
MMQG Kizendo uses a specific adaptation of traditional Qi Gong exercises and practices to foster one’s body, mind, and soul connection.
According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, diseases arise when the harmonious flow of life energy Qi through the body is disturbed. Through the flowing and soft movements of the Qigong, combined with breathing exercises and meditation, this harmony in the flow of energy should be balanced or restored.
Qi Gong‘s benefits are not only physical but also mental and spiritual in nature.
You can use Qi Gong for health care, relaxation, and prevention. The exercises you practice will train focus, concentration, and memory, as well as improve your self-awareness, balance and flexibility, thus giving you a better body feeling and condition.
Through regular practice, you improve your breathing and your posture, you reinforce and gently stretch your muscles, joints, and tendons. Your blood circulation gets better and your improved ability to perform controlled movements has a positive effect on the nervous and circulatory system, reinforcing the immune system.
Qi Gong can be performed at any age with no specific prerequisites.
Qi Gong helps with:
Promotion of health and well-being
Strengthening the immune system and self-healing powers
Regulation of blood, lymph, and energy flow
Strengthening the circulation
Relief of muscle tension
Better posture and reduction of back pain
Gentle training for the joints, without overload
Regulating the autonomic nervous system
Increasing sensitivity and improve self-awareness
Improving oxygenation through breathing exercises
Improving focus and concentration
Improvement of mood and emotional stabilization
Preventive effect against lifestyle diseases
Fighting stress, insomnia, fatigue, and stress-related disorders
I am often asked to give suggestions about books, as everyone who knows me knows that I am a really avid reader.
I read more than 120 books per year since when I was 15 (and now I am 50). In this sum I don’t count those book I read for preparing exams, getting certificated and specific skill acquisition.
More: as a coach, a teacher, a healer reading is an essential part of my growth, so I do it every single day, for at least 2h30 from 5:30 AM, just after my hour-long MMQG practice, to 8 AM, when I turn on electronic devices.
So, you ask and I answer.
Here is a first list of 50 books I suggest anyone to read as a primer into self-development. No reasons given, no specific order. Just 50 books you should read.
The three keys to improvement and self-understanding are awareness, compassion, and commitment.
In this post I want to give you 10 easy exercises to start developing your self-awareness as this is the first skills you will need in your search for happiness and success.
Self-awareness is extremely useful in getting free from automated and unconscious reaction to what happens and also in detecting any self-limiting, destructive thought-pattern and self-sabotaging behavior. Growing your awareness will lead you to the freedom of choosing the answer that better suits your will and needs.
The 10 exercises
Your who and why Let’s start with the basics. You need to become aware of who you really and what you really want, so your “why“. Ask yourself what defines you, iterating the question another two times. Ask yourself who is the real you, which are the basic traits of your behaviors, thoughts, mindsets. And do this for three times, as soon as you think you got the correct answer. Also, ask yourself “Why?”, meaning what is that you really want, why you want it, which are the reasons of that choice. Then, repeat the question again, and again for a third time. In this way you will have clarity on which are the basis of your journey inside yourself. Start this process today and keep a note of your answer to check them weekly.
Expand your emotional intelligence Wittgenstein, the Austrian-British philosopher said in his Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus: “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world” meaning that we are in a certain way limited by what we can express, or feel. As emotional intelligence is essential to our growth we need to be able to describe what we feel more in detail than simply telling that things are good or bad or that we like or don’t like them. When we can describe with words what we are feeling, we are healing our brain. Work on your emotional intelligence each day giving a name to that day’s stronger feelings and emotions and writing them down.
Stop (instinct) reactions When you simply react to whatever happens in your life you are running on a sort of instinctual auto-pilot, being slave of (very often very) wrong reactions. Self-awareness will set you free from these reactions, bringing you into the liberating realm of choice, where you can assess situations without acting on biases and stereotypes and then deciding which action is the most appropriate for us in that specific situation. Start by becoming aware of every time you react, take a note of the behavior, what happened, and try to identify the reason of that reaction.
Educate yourself When we are unable to resist to the urge of satisfying an immediate craving, we are also demonstrating that we cannot avoid short-term gratification, which is bad as it means that we are unable to wait for the long-term gain. We need to educate ourselves to choose what is really important for us instead of following thousands of “temptations” like social media, junk food, gossiping, addictions. Commit to saying “no” to one short-term satisfaction or temptation each day.
Be fully responsible for yourself Accept yourself, accept your defects and your mistakes. But accept also your good things and your successes. Remember that you are fully responsible for your happiness, your success, your growth. Stop playing the blame-game and accept that you are the only one who can help yourself when it comes to you. There are no external factors that help you: what a coach, a guide, a healer does is simply showing you how to find in yourself everything you need to grow. Self-awareness helps turn the spotlight on ourselves and thus prevents hypocritical behaviors, lack of responsibility, carelessness. Improvement and growth only happen when you start recognize both your flaws and victories. Limit the first and celebrate the others. Create a habit of acknowledging whatever you do, rather than making excuses and blaming others or things you cannot control.
Use your strengths and accept your weaknesses To grow your awareness, you should also learn to use your strengths at your will and accept, then control, your fears and weaknesses. There is nothing wrong in discovering that we can fail, that we can suffer, that we are not perfect. We can control our demons only when we can give them a name. Indulging in self-blaming for our negative traits can spiral into stress, lack of confidence, and depression. We are made by both negative and positive traits, it’s up to us making a good use of the seconds while controlling the firsts. Write on paper (yes, with pen and paper) your strengths and weaknesses on the two half of a sheet. Then, choose the three that have the bigger impact on your life from each list and start working on those by becoming aware of them in your personal and professional life.
Improve your body, mind, and soul unity You cannot grow self-awareness if you don’t consider yourself as the unity of three components: body, mind, and soul. The most amazing thing is that once you learn how to let these three components work together, the advantages will be way more than the sum of its parts. Each part has of course its own specific rules and characteristics, but they are meant to help you at their best when you can listen to their needs and foster their unity. Harmony of body, mind, and soul is the key to ultimate wellness, growth, and happiness so that’s why attaining this unity is such an important goal for every individual. To unify the three components, you can start by letting your mind and body work together. This is done by living here and now, driving your mind’s attention into your physical body and giving total, unbiased, non-judgmental attention to your body’s reality. When you will start experience the union of your mind and body, your soul will begin revealing itself more and more frequently, flowing in you together with your Qi, your vital energy.
Be accountable This growth and development of your awareness often requires that you become accountable for your goals and progress. Many get lost after a good start simply because no one helped them remaining on track. Note that the track is yours, only yours, as we have seen in the point about being fully responsible. Having an accountability partner is a way to cope with our will wanderings. Ask to a good friend of yours to help you by checking your progress when you setup a plan for a specific goal. Set your milestones, set a timing to reach them and a measurable goal, then give your plan to your friend and ask to be checked regularly.
Ask for constructive feedback After accountability comes feedback. We all have parts of us that need to be seen from an external point of view. So, asking for regular, non-judgmental, constructive feedback let us get rid of any doubt we could have developed about our growth process. Of course, you need to ask feedback only from person you completely trust and/or your would like to be coached, mentored, taught from. People who can sincerely understand you, people you respect. Those kind of people that will always tell you what you need and not what you would like to hear. Identify a couple of person you could ask their feedback from and approach them telling them about your journey toward self-awareness.
Meditation, Mindfulness, Qi Gong Of course, if you ask me what is the best overall method to grow awareness in a holistic way, I will always answer MMQG is the perfect practice! MMQG is based on Meditation, Mindfulness and Qi Gong and is the companion practice to my Yourself, Understood Coaching Method. The strength of this practice is that is exceptional in improving self-awareness from every point of view, working at the same time on your Body, Mind, and Soul. You will start by bringing your focus solely on your breathing as a way to become aware of this key vital process. You’ll grow awareness of your mind, leaving aside all self-limiting thoughts, behaviors, and mindsets. You will improve focus, concentration, condition, improving your personal and professional life. For beginners, you can start with fifteen minute sessions to see the first positive results.
Interested in knowing more? Contact me to have a chat about your personal and professional growth.
A very common and urgent question I receive almost daily is: “How do you find yourself, what have you done on yourself, how can you help me?“
Answering to this question could require a life time, as finding oneself is one of the very reasons we live. Yet, I decided to give you a very short insight of what you can do, practically, to start your journey in self-discovery.
Finding yourself is an amazing task, and requires attention, commitment, and time, just to name some.
Yet, it can be done practically and quite effectively through getting a deeper insight of yourself through meditation, mindfulness, some physical activity, like Qi Gong, as in my MMQG Kizendoor Tai Chi Chuan, Yoga or similar.
These activities have in common a holistic approach to your Body, Mind, and Soul. This means that you start becoming aware of who you are, removing all the causes that are limiting yourself, you grow compassion towards others, understanding that they behave mirroring themselves, and develop a desire to commit helping others to improve and grow.
The goal is to become aware of who you really are and what you really want. This also means that you will get rid of all self-limiting, self-sabotaging habits, mindsets, and behaviors because of your deeper awareness.
With constant dedication and commitment, not only you will find yourself, but you will also reach your higher soul, a level of connection with everything you have around you that will let you know that you a part of a Universal unity.
So, to pinpoint what I have done and what I help people with: embrace change, as you cannot solve a problem with the very same mindset that caused it, understand your reactions so to get free from them becoming able to choose how to deal with everything that happens, accept your fears and weaknesses so to control them instead of being controlled by them.
My coaching method is called Yourself, Understood for this precise reason: help you understand and develop yourself, allowing to you achieve whatever you want.